JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
