Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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