"it" just moved
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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