we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
