ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
