he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
