I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
