I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
