You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
