why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
