I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
