Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
