Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
