Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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