Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
