She's JV to your varsity
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
