I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
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He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS