What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.