I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.