you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.