It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.