i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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