Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
