i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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