he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
