I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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