dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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