the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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