Will you blow on my dice?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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