I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
