be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it glows. i had to have it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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