Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
