So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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