I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The air was thick with penises
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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