is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
