The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize