Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
