Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
