bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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