T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
