with your own penis?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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