garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
from now on my penis is your penis
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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