Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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