it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
