Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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