he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my shit smells like andre
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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