Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
