You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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