hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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