so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
