I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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