Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
