They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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