you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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