there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
