Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
