I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
