WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have fence marks all over my body
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
