my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
