You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
