margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
