It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
