Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
