y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
