Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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