pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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