Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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