I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
