So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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