***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
