you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
