you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
