i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
