Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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