I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
