I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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